I want a boyfriend to brush my hair, drive me places and change my windshield wipers. kthnxbai.

You're looking for a guy who's handy with tools *and* is highly observant about matters of feminine grooming? That's a bit of a tall order, but I'll see what I can do.

thank you, centropomus. keep your eyes wide open.

I can do all those things, but I won't be your boyfriend. I prefer to be paid in homemade pastries

That's cool, especially the Ikea part. I tend to stick to dudes in their late teens, anyway, because they think weird sexual stuff is standard.

wait, weird sexual stuff is not standard? fuckall.

So, I'm already spoken for, but if you ever need non-commital IKEA assistance, let me know. That shit is crack for adults that grew up loving legos.

Every time I build something from Ikea, even with the assistance of a level, it looks lopsided and unusable. A few years ago, I was driving down some street in a San Fernando Valley neighborhood, and on the side of the road stood a half-completed Ikea desk with a sign that said "FREE. Gave up."