in the light of day, i'm questioning the telling the english boy part. what was i thinking?

you should never admit you're into someone who isn't into you, right?

No, it's wise decision. I wish I wasn't so broke - I'd go to Myanmar with you...

that would be fun! i still don't want to go on my own, but i figure i'll meet plenty of other ppl along the way who are going that i can join if i really want to.

No, you don't owe him an explanation. Have fun with the new people, definitely.

yeah, i know i don't him an explanation--certainly not that one. in my drunken state i think i was thinking that i wanted to tell him that i knew he wasn't attracted to me in order to get *final* confirmation that it was indeed true.

the not-so-underlying desire, of course, to hear him say that actually i am wrong and he's been attracted to me all along!

ha.

lame i know. but i can admit these things here on the interwebz.

Honestly, I don't see what the problem is. Just fucking tell him already, will you? If he gets weird about it, he's off to Burma and you'll never see him again anyway. In the off chance that he's into you and just a completely oblivious idiot, then you've told him and the ball is in his court. In any case, isn't this why you're on a trip from home anyway?

Geez, girl. You're no Medusa. You're pretty damn cute, and rather intelligent. You've got nothing to be self-conscious about.

(BTW, I'm a little drunk, so if any of what I've said turns out to be bad advice, don't blame me. It's the booze.)

'don't blame me, blame the booze.'

perhaps i should just tack that onto the end of my explanation.

i appreciate what you say, but the fact is that no one likes being rejected, no matter who they are. no? so why subject myself to it. now that i'm sober, that is the question i want to ask my drunk self...

ps: you mean, isn't hooking up with men the reason i'm on a trip away from home anyway...???

No, I suppose you have a point. But, then again - if we all acted on that impulse, the human race would have been extinct a millennium ago.

No - not hooking up with men. Being careless and free. Hooking up with random strangers is one thing - hooking up with guys that you dig is another.

Er, not careless. Carefree.

Fuck, I really don't need another dirnk, do I?

yes. i'm just thinking it's wise to know when to cut your losses.

you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...

let's see how many cliches i can come up with...

anyway, who knows what decision i will make later tonight when i'm drunk. english boy and i are going to a party together and then out to see live music (unless he lames out, which i think he is hinting he may do by telling me how sleepy he is today).

i will report back!

but probably not for a little while, as tomorrow i start traveling to laos and anticipate spending most of the next three days in transit.

no, please to not be having another drink! ;)

ps: 'rather' intellingent? thanks.

Well, you did spell intelligent wrong. ;^)

vacation sex is awesome.

@om: i'll let you know when i've finally had some.

actually, i'm not really on vacation. am i? what happens when your vacation is indefinite...well, i guess i'll let you know.

meeting vietnamese artist boy (who, no, i have not mentioned until now) in a few days in luang prabang and who knows what will happen... the signs seem clear he's into me. we shall see.

@soulcamp: tushy.

@hawkeye: huh?

@om: your new name made me wonder at first if you were nomi.

Oh, I see you're up again.

OK, so it was a poor litotes. I didn't study much in English. Sue me.

(Don't actually sue me - I have no money.)