She then went on a rant about thongs:

"Yuch thongs. Nasty smelly idea some perv had."

being the know-it-all i am I think I'd answer the first one straight

the second one...

EVERRRYYYY ROSEEEE HAS ITS THORRRRRNNNN

i still think your mom is on a gameshow this morning. MAYBE SHE GOT CAUGHT IN THE CASH CAB!

When I was in New York, I kept hoping that I would get into the Cash Cab, but I didn't. :(

I curse the day she learned to text.

Your mom and my mom are very different people.

I wish I could get my mom to text...then I wouldn't ever have to call anyone ever again!

my mom is flirting with the idea of texting, this is what I fear.

My mother texts me recipes and lame jokes in Spanish. It's pretty endearing, actually.

i finally got my mom to get emoji, so i spent all day sending her the little happy poop icons.